The Instabarf

Whole working some time ago, I do believe that i discovered a new term, and possibly something new entirely.
Now I am not saying that it is not possible that others that have traveled the course of this world have not encountered this prior to my life, but it's new to me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Instabarf.

When reading the word itself, an overwhelming urge to grimace may come across you. I encourage this.

Let me break it down for you:
I arrived to work like around 1:50 on a chilly Tuesday afternoon. Mountain Dew in hand, I entered the door and began my normal tasks to open up the restaurant. Turned on the fans, ovens, grill, and brought up the meat, fish and poultry items that were taken to the downstairs cooler overnight and for the weekend. Everything is wrapped still at this point, so I continued to set up the kitchen. Little did I realize that life was about to change.
Things went perfectly fine until I came to the fish. More specifically the walleye. It is a type of fish that is typically a bit scented, just is the nature of the meat. However, something must have happened to these particular fillets to cause this to happen:

When I opened the saran wrapped top of the container, the concept of "bad smell" was completely banished from my mind. The odor that crept up my nose, to this day, still makes me cringe. I cannot truthfully compare it to any bad smell that anyone can relate to; it took up a category of its own.

Now usually when someone vomits, there is a cognitive process that goes on inside your mind. That little voice in your head is like:

Little voice:*uh oh*
Stomach: *gurgle*

It is the *gurgle* that usually cues us that a particular system in your bodies is about to reverse gears and cause some problems for; you, the nearest surface to be projected on, the person behind you on Raging Bull, etc.
However, in this case, no cognitive process went on in my brain. There was no warning, red lights, or thoughts to get to a toilet or garbage can. It was smell,vomit. That's it. No middle ground here.

In the aftermath of the instabarf, there was a puzzled look upon my co-workers faces, followed by what I call the 'guy-laugh'. It generally is followed be things that are not in any way particularly funny. When someone tells you something that is pretty sad, but for whatever reason, you laugh. Now It is not like a verbose, obnoxious laugh, its more like a smirk with some noise coming out. It is also usually followed by something like "That sucks." I only call it a 'guy laugh' because most of the women in my life are a little more empathetic towards people that have just had a unfortunate thing happen to them. Let's see an example, because after reading this, I am slightly confused:

Monkey: *goes to take a bite of a sloppy joe, and the back end leaks and falls on his brand new shirt*

Me: *guy laugh* "That sucks..."

Whereas if Monkey was eating with Fox nearby, it may have gone something more like this:

Monkey: *goes to take a bite of a sloppy joe, and the back end leaks and falls on his brand new shirt*

Fox: "Oh no!" *goes on to explain a remedy for how she would eliminate said stain from her appearance, that I did not hear due to the 'guy-laugh' and then turning to examine my own clothing due to my ADD.



Editors note: Since Monkey is a relatively neat eater, and cares a lot about his clothing and appearance in general, this probably never actually happened. It was also likely that even if I was not eating a sloppy joe, there was a stain from one on my person. *shakes head sadly*

I digress. But yeah. So they did the guy laugh thing, and I had to clean up a mess...

All I can say is thank the Lord above that I said no to the tuna salad my mom offered to make me prior to leaving to work...