Things that crossed my mind at 12:32 in the morning. And Flying Squirrel Mullets.

I have never given serious thought to starting a blog. Not once, ever. I have however attempted multiple times to journal. You know, like pen and paper... inks, notebooks and and ice bath for my goofy hand. Seriously, I write like a lefty with my right hand. No joke, I freaked out a little bit with both excitement and curiosity when I discovered that. I was like... what else do lefty's do differently. Do they throw a ball at a different angle and curvature? Bowl with different fingers?

I think this merits investigation. Not by me though. See the first thing you must learn about a moose, like myself, is that we simply just do not care. Honestly internet, short of you intruding into my personal space, prodding me with a stick, or actively hunting me, I will pretty much leave you to your business. This lack of care often leads to procrastination. I cannot tell you how many times I have looked into a mirror and seen foliage hanging off my antlers (things stuck in my hair, teeth) or like just a sopping wet mane and coat and just been like. "yeah, that will go away by itself." I also an a bit passive aggressive, and I think that is pretty standard when it comes to us moose. You see me all like chill in the little pond thing doing moose stuff and then you get closer and its like.. well I'm not sure how it would go but I think something like:

Interloper: Oh, wow, that's a moose!

Me: I hope he doesn't try to come closer and investigate my moose stuff.

Interloper: I'm going to get all up in his moose stuff!

Me: Shit.

Interloper: "Hey Moose! What are you doing??"

Me: "Nothing." JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! (in my head)

Interloper: "Looks like you're carving obscenities into the door of your locker, there moose."

Me: "Yup, now please leave me alone."

Interloper: "Can I join? I got a real nice obscenity carving tool here...

Me interrupting: GO AWAY BEFORE I USE THAT HANDY OBSCENITY CARVING TOOL TO MAKE A SHANK OUT OF YOUR SPINE!!!

Okay, well I only actually say that last part in my head. Because I'm passive-aggressive, and if I actually said that, well, its not really passive aggressive. Unless i misunderstand the term. I usually just cut the person off in a must subtler way, then make them pay for their interloping over time.

Sometimes I wish I had the moose balls to just say things like that. It could really simplify things if I could immediately let the interloper that no, I would not like him to join in on my obscenity carvings on MY locker door, and that it would bring me great joy to make a shank out of their spine. But if I did that, then I wouldn't really be a moose. I'd be like a bear. Cuz bears don't fuck around with interlopers. Something like this?

Bear sees Interloper.

Interloper dies.

I don't know if any of that was necessary. The point is, just let me carve my obscenities. I promise they are probably not about you.

Another thing you must get used to (apparently) is me jumping from rural ponds with moose to modern high school hallways, college dorms, medieval combat society fields, and urban locales. Probably just for this first post, and since I have ADD, I probably wont keep it up for very long.

All I wanted to do thus far is explain a little bit about myself and why I am called moose by my close friends. I am a relatively calm, passive aggressive person who writes funny with his right hand, which is a problem I imagine all moose have, AND I like to be left alone when carving obscenities. And I have ADD. Im not sure how badly. bad? whatever. I passed, well, failed the ADD test as a child, but it was by a margin, and I know I have it. You will too after several posts. Hell, you might know already.

I am sure my physical stature also has something to do with it, as I am a 6'5, I have brown hair, often times long, brown eyes and a walk that you could call "lumbering" -- haha, okay so after re-reading this before posting, I thought of the grandpa from "Chitty Chitty, Bang Bang"... where he's like "and the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain, and I lol'd.... yeah don't judge me

Either way, That is a bit about me and some things that have crossed my mind at.. well now its later but whatever.

Holy Shit! I almost forgot about the flying squirrel mullets. So I was driving to work today. And I saw this older gentleman on a bike with like a long, stereotypical Amish beard, you know, long, and poofyish. He also had nothing short of the most impressive mullet that I have seen up to this point in all my life. I can only describe it as a definite sign of the apocalypse. I'm fairly certain that Matthew says :and there will be wars, rumors of wars, famine, plague, destruction and reality altering mullets.

Oh, by the way, another thing you know about moose is that we are almost always completely full of shit.

Anyway, so this mullet, it was just awesome. I almost crashed into the suburban staring this thing down. Was it weird that it it was staring back? First thing that popped into my head was "Wow, that looks like a flying squirrel is sitting on his head, but has lost control of his back legs." Because the braids. See, not only did this man have an insanely large beard and mullet, he had gone about braiding them. You know Captain Jack Sparrow style, minus the sheer awesomeness that it was Captain Jack Sparrow. This guy was not Captain Jack Sparrow, so therefore is being named Captain Flying Squirrel Mullet. Except I'm also sure he is not a captain. Because he was on a bike, not a ship. But the front braids in his bead looked like the front paws of the flying squirrel, the bald patch on his head looked like its' skin flappys, and the back braids looked like his extended legs. It was captivating and spectacular.

You know what, if you couldn't sense my ADD after that, I worry about you.

I really hope I see Captain Flying Squirrel Mullet sometime when I have the ability to snap a photo. Because I guarantee that you would see it too. And when a moose guarantees something, you bet your ass.. yeah that's a lie waiting to happen.

So that is all from me for now, If anyone reads this I hope you enjoy it. The other characters I mentioned on my main page thing will come into play in time.. I just want to attain their permission before I tell stories, use their real names, etc.